Stan Tatkin, Psy. While some people may just be more comfortable with the opposite sex, having a disproportionate number of opposite-sex friendships could be a red flag if someone in a relationship flirts with his or her friends, has a history of cheating, keeps secrets, excludes their significant other, or gets defensive when their partner gets insecure.
Rewards Free Stuff Promos. If you find yourself feeling wary because your boyfriend has a whole mess of close female friends, it begs that you ask yourself this question: who do you really not trust? Are you afraid your boyfriend might violate the terms of your relationship agreement? Are you worried that the women he is friends with might have their sites set on him? Before you fall victim to a girl-on-girl crime, stop and get to know the women in his life. It can be tempting to view them as the enemy and see them as competition for your guy's time, but you need to remember that you are the woman he decided to make his girlfriend and not them.
We already know your boyfriend has great taste in women. He picked you, after all, didn't he? That probably means the women in his life who he has chosen as platonic friends a thing that can happen between men and women are cool as all get out. Rather than waste your time trying to figure out their true intentions, why not spend some time trying to get to know them? If you are suspicious of your boyfriend's relationship with his female friends and he has a history of cheating, you have every right to be skeptical about his relationships with members of the opposite sex, friendly or otherwise.
If a dude cheated on you and the two of you have decided to make that relationship work, there's no reason he can't alter his behavior and not do stuff like "heart" every busty shot one of his female friends post on Facebook. When your partner cheats, the hardest thing to get back is trust. If you express your fears about his female friends to him and he pushes them aside or tries to gaslights you by saying stuff like, "You're crazy, babe.
We're just friends. What's wrong with you? Belittling, gaslighting, and patronizing are not things a man who is truly committed to rebuilding a healthy relationship with you would try. In a survey Greif conducted, 80 percent of men said that most of their time with male friends is spent discussing sports.
Greif thinks that men feel more comfortable emotional sharing with women because children are still mostly socialized by women. One in five children are living with a single mother , and these children in particular may find that because their formative relationships were entirely with women, they connect more easily with women as adults.
Or even when I just want to shoot the shit. Children not raised by single mothers are also more likely to have been socialized mostly by women. And the National Center for Education Statistics recently reported that 89 percent of primary-school teachers are women.
What should I do? There needs to be boundaries. All a relationship is is sexual attraction with someone you enjoy hanging out with. But social media has made it normal and easy for outsiders to intrude into your private lives. When I got into my relationship with my boyfriend, I stopped hanging out with my guy friends because I could recognize that most if not all of them saw me as someone they could hopefully get at one day.
And this has been the case most of my life. If your boyfriend is hanging out with other females and then only thing keeping him from doing anything with her is you, then you already have a problem. Shit I am confused. I married a man who has female friends that he has been friends with for most of his life. And I was OK with that until I learned about his young 25 year old friend with three small children. She happens to be unhappy in her marriage. So immediately i was alarmed.
All my senses were on fire. Come to find out he went to see this friend without me after I asked him not to be cause I felt uncomfortable with it. I thought to myself yea right? And if they do good for you. But why would you text a married 54 year old man ex drug addict that you have some stuff stuff stuff and then text you know I am just joking right?
I was mad when he told me he went to see her after he dropped me off for work. And alone too! Next I have two life long male friends. One is an ex boyfriend from when I was And the other is an ex husband of 9 years. I no longer desire these two males and I am legitimately concerned for them so I talk to them every now and then and I like to check in on them to make sure they are still alive.
I have no sexual feelings for them at all whatsoever. Me and my husband have excellent sex. I would not have married him if I wanted these two men from my past nor anyone else. But I am wrong Because I have had sex with these two men before my husband and I got married. I have never cheated on my husband and I do not have any desire to cheat on him.
So now what do we do about this? Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments via e-mail. Stephen Hussey Last week I wrote about some of the worst behaviours of women who sabotage relationships and drive men away. Maybe and maybe not. For example: 1. Does he always put you first, and never actively choose other women over you? These are just questions to think about. You asking to check his phone messages without any good reason to do so. You getting weird if he talks to a woman in your presence, say, at a party, and you make it awkward for him by staring daggers or being passive-aggressive towards her.
Now, even as I write that final bullet point I know already that will have its detractors. My answer to all of these…yep, maybe, fair enough. What matters again is that: He makes you feel safe He makes you a priority He understands your standards and wants to meet them.
Share Tweet 8. Free Guide. Get my guide. Hi Stephen, This is a great follow up post to your previous article, and although I agree with you on the whole, that there are no real set rules regarding having friends of the opposite sex whilst you are in a relationship. On the flip side, I feel that if you are in a relationship which you recognise to be controlling and manipulative, with a person who tries to dictate to you then you should run as fast and as hard as Usain Bolt at the Olympics Charlotte.
Hi Emily, Thank you so much for the compliment. Hi Emily, I loved your reply, sorry it took me a couple of days to get back to you. I think you may be right about the kindred spirits thing! A few good and hard questions we can ask ourselves when we are spending time with the opposite sex are: 1 Would I be ok if my other half did this with their friend?
Hi Stephen, Matt, sorry, but this is going to be a looong comment, as this topic about male-female friendships got me. As for the questions which Stephen mentioned at the end of this post, let me answer them from my point of view: Why does his old friend have to have coffee with him alone?
Hi Jane, thanks for the reply! Hey Sofia! Hey Claire! And btw: he and his friends should and will appreciate that too Good luck with your guy, have lots of fun and rock on! Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. View Post. Recent Posts. Preparing for a Date. Related Posts. Female Insecurities. Is Love Still Possible in ?
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