He said "Yes I am - what gave me away? As we left the restaurant, she said, "We should have dinner again. I'm stuffed. A man orders a tomato soup at a restaurant.. As soon as waiter brings the soup he started yelling at waiter and ask him to taste the soup. Waiter "sorry sir we're not allowed to do that. I will bring you another one. Waiter was nervous by now so he told the ma A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating… She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?
Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a restaurant. They are having a fun time and give their waitress a huge tip. Super excited about the tip, the waitress decides to tell them a secret: In the women's bathroom, there is a magical mirror.
If you tell it something truthful, you will be greatly rewarded. However, if you lie to the mirror, you will dis After a very successful heist, a thief treats his two close friends to a sumptuous meal at a fancy restaurant. Friend A: "You've walked away with millions?? By stealing from a printer company?
How on earth did you pull that off??! I just walked out with al What do frogs order at a restaurant? French flies. Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan are out at a Chinese restaurant and Luke is really battling trying to use the chopsticks to feed his face.
After a while Obi Wan turns to him and says "use the forks luke". Opened a restaurant called "The Pelican" Nobody appreciates the big bill though! What do you call food from a brothel that doubles as a restaurant?
What's the worst thing to do at a restaurant in Prague? Split the Czech! I ate at a Korean restaurant last night. The meal was excellent, but I really wish I hadn't asked for a doggy bag. Two Americans named George and Ted were vacationing in London one day. While Ted was using the bathroom at a restaurant, George saw two familiar-looking men enter the restaurant.
John Watson, and this is my roommate, Sherlock Holmes, who is absolutely perfect at logic. A blind man walks into a restaurant The waiter notices that he's blind and says "Would you like me to get you the braille menu sir?
Just bring me one of your dirty forks and I'll decide what I want. Putin and Medvedev go to a high class restaurant. Putin says to the waiter "For the meat I want a rib-eye steak, medium rare. The potatos are to be baked with sour cream". The waiter asks "what about the vegetable? A couple went to a restaurant Waitress: May I take your orders, please? How rude of me? Allow me to introduce my erectile dysfunction. Her name is Samantha. Couple goes into a restaurant The man to the hostess: Can we have a table for 2 please?
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.
Thumb in the soup at the restaurant A man goes to a restaurant with his wife. They look at the menu and order some starters and two soups. After placing their orders they start to notice something strange: there is only one waiter and he puts his thumb in the soups of the other customers when he carries them to the tables.
The man and A couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant. A lovely young woman walks up to the table, kisses the man on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie" before walking away. The wife is livid. I want to start a restaurant for separated elements I'll call it "I-O-Dine". I think it'll help the divorced find a solution. What did a bunch of boisterous bulimics order at the restaurant? I don't remember, but I told them to keep it down.
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded "This is an outrage," he complained. You should know that if you live in Montreal. Thanks to a very healthy lifestyle, a married couple live well into their s One day they are both killed in a tragic accident, and go to heaven. On the first morning, they go up to God and ask where the gym is. An upcoming director, Tim, is having dinner with two prestigious producers in a fancy restaurant. The director sees Frank Sinatra in the distance walking into the men's bathroom.
The director excuses himself and goes in after him. Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again. Two men sat down at a German restaurant for a 10 course meal.
After six of the courses had come out, one of the men remarked to the other "I wonder when the sausages are going to be served. The waiter overheard and assured the men that the sausages were coming out eventually by saying "Don't worry. The wurst is yet to come. Why do so many recovering alcoholics dine at Japanese restaurants? Best place to get Soba.
I heard 2 older married couples talking when one of the men told the other he went to a great restaurant. When he was asked what it was called he looked puzzled and said "what's that flower, the one people always give? Rose, that's it" he then looks at the woman beside him "hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?
What do they serve at the medicore Chinese restaurant? General so-so's chicken. Jesus and his apostles go to a restaurant When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak.
They asked me whom I agreed with, but I couldn't pick a side. Bad dry dad jokes are kinda my thing. A guy goes to a restaurant and orders soup, Guy: "waiter what is this fly doing in my soup? A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?
After a few minutes, all the ki Went to a restaurant that had circles 6 feet apart. They only served people in the loop. My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. I tried to open a restaurant that offers faster seating to vegetarians But this created too many upset steakholders. I would recommend it very highly. A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.
Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. Those are calle Last year there was a mix up at my local Chinese restaurant. The chef used Daffodil bulbs instead of onions in the chow mein and four people were hospitalised over the Christmas period. Luckily they came out beautifully in the spring. Karen came into my restaurant the other day and asked, "Can you tell me about the menu please?
A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant, they sit down, and the waitress takes their order, the man says "I'll have a number 5 with a large coffee", and the chicken says "I will have that as well".
When they finished their meal, the man walks up to the counter to pay, and he reaches into hi So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread. She dutifully takes his order back to the kitchen. A few seconds later he could hear all hell breaking loose in the kitchen: there's peo A black man walks into a restaurant.. There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed.
Im going to have to ask you to leave. A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled …. A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be bullshiet, but decides to try it out anyway. He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?
A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant He goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer? The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert? A guy is sitting alone at a restaurant eating his meal A girl sitting at table next to him starts choking on her food.
Everybody starts panicking and nobody is doing anything to help. An elderly woman was running late for an appointment. He squints warily at it. At age 4 success is. Not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is. Having friends. At age 17 success is. Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is. Having money. At age 50 success is. At age 70 success is. At age 75 success is. At age 80 success is. Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.. Again, the man is impressed.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest breasts. Men are like that, you know. An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air, then opened its mouth to swallow both.
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things. She told him to go out and find a hot year-old girl and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a inch black and white tv. An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard.
One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five-gallon bucket to pick some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!
An elderly fisherman was having a successful day of fishing without a liscense when the ranger came up, saw a bucket full of nice trout, and asked to see his fishing liscense. A few minutes later the ranger said. Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with drinking problem. I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.
The Living Room or The Bedroom. Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Homeschooling is going well. I came into the house, told my dog. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business! My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. What to wear, what to wear?
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyardia. Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks women with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. What happened? The old man runs into his doctor's office. I'm losing my memory! Joe and Bob have been managers at the local plant for going on twenty-five years. One day, as Joe and Bob are enjoying an after-work drink at the tavern, Joe says, "You know, Bob, last night the wife and I made it three times.
What's the deal? Joe grins and replies, "I read something in this book a couple of weeks ago and thought I'd try it. You make love, then you take a little ten-minute nap. Then you try it again. I'm telling you, it works like a charm! Bob nods thoughtfully and says, "I'm going to give that a try myself.
When he wakes up, he and the wife make love again; he takes another nap. He wakes up, and they make love again. Satiated, the man goes to sleep for the night.
Bob wakes up with the alarm clock blaring. The clock shows that he's going to be twenty minutes late for work. In a rush, Bob throws on some clothes and hurries to catch the bus. When the bus drops him off in front of the plant, Bob's boss is at the gate, fuming. I've been working here twenty-five years without being late once all this time. Now you're going to fire me after all that for being twenty minutes late once?
Where were you Wednesday? An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some tests. When the results come in, the doctor calls the old man in and says, "You'd better sit down.
It's pretty bad. The old man, naturally, gets all nervous and asks, "What is it doc? Bob and Mabel are sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. Bob looks over at Mabel and says, "I know just what you're wanting, and for five dollars, I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair.
Bob continues, "For ten dollars, I'll do it with you on that nice, soft sofa over there. Bob says, "Okay, for twenty dollars, I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life. Mabel leans back and thinks for a couple of minutes, then starts digging around in her purse.
The census taker is driving out in the boondocks of Arkansas on assignment and pulls up in front of a small farm. He approaches an old farmer rocking in his chair on the porch. We're trying to find out exactly how many people live in the United States.
I ain't got the faintest idea. An old woman lay on her deathbed as she asked her husband, "Have you ever cheated on me? It's all over, so just tell me. He answers "No, never. I've always loved you, honey. But what about you? You can tell me, it's all right. Well, I visited your boss and traded favors. I paid a visit to the company president that time and traded favors. An old man lay on his deathbed with his wife by his side.
He whispers to her, "Mabel, I can't believe it's almost over, and here you are, right by my side as always. He nods. When the bank foreclosed on our house, you were there.
When the government came after me for ten years' worth of back taxes, you were there. When the doctor told me I had six months to live, you were there. Hey, Mabel, you know something? Sam and Dave have been friends for forty years. One night at dinner, they get to talking about their problems. I can't tell you the last time the wife and I were able to get intimate. Sam says, "Dave, I've got just the trick for you. I'm telling you, it stays hard all night.
So the two men keep talking and have a few drinks; Dave gets home a little late. His wife is already in bed with the lights out. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.
It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan. Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here.
0コメント